Actually, although homosexuality per se wasn't discussed in our family, its existence was tacitly acknowledged. We had homosexual friends - they didn't flaunt their sexuality, but it was there. While most of their friends & family turned a staunchly blind eye to their reality, in our house their sexuality was a non-issue, just part of who they were, like having brown hair or being talented muscians.
Since 6th grade, I'd experienced openly gay couples. That's when I first hung out with my sister in Greenwich Village, where she was in a summer theater workshop at Circle in the Square. It wasn't unusual in the Village to see two guys holding hands. No one ever pointed it out or made any sort of big deal about it, it just was out there.
All of which served me in very good stead in July 1969, when my adored brand new sister-in-law informed me that SHE (being infinitely more worldly than I) could recognize what I didn't even suspect ~ that I was a latent lesbian, a fact that SHE (and apparently others in my hometown) knew would make me toast as soon as I ventured out into the larger world.
I was 17. The Stonewall riots were less than a month past.
Thank goodness I knew what lesbian meant - such terms weren't in common usage back then. And thank goodness I had the down-to-earth grounding to immediately think to myself, "She's bonkers!" rather than take what she said to heart. And that I immediately discussed it with the family friends I was staying with (had been asked out to Pittsburgh to help my brother & s-i-l pack up to move back East - she was pregnant) rather than brooding over it.
Fast forward to the new millenium ~ ~ One of the three certifiable miracles I've experienced in my life was the opportunity about eight or so years ago to discuss that time with my brother, in the presence of a faciliator.
Illuminating, not surprising.
Per my brother, my s-i-l had plucked out of thin air her comment that others in my hometown felt the same way about me - "oh, she just said that as back up."
He has not, to this day, apologized for backing her up, for agreeing with her when I asked him point blank (good girl!), "What do YOU think?" He says Dad chewed him out so soundly, he never wanted to bring it up again. And, he continued, it didn't require apologies, since the two of them hadn't brought me out to Pittsburgh to clue me in; it "just came up."
What shabby, dangerous actions from two supposed adults!! Imagine the potential damage telling someone "you're this way, but don't know it" - actually, it's unimaginable. 43 years later, my brother was just as clueless in a scary way as ever he was.
But >I< am incredibly proud of that level-headed, well-grounded, self-aware 17 year old who instead of taking their caveat to heart realized they were crackers. I celebrate her, as I inch ever closer to raising the curtain on my 3rd act.
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