Conflict v. Confrontation

Chris Hayes, interviewed this past week by Terry Gross on Fresh Air, mentioned that politics inherently involves conflict, that it's the nature of the political beast.  It got me thinking - again - about how conflict is an inherent part of families, too.  And to think otherwise can lead to incredibly negative consequences.

It feels like this world is more or less divided between people who tolerate conflict because they  totally shrink from confrontation ~and~ those who tolerate confrontation because they detest conflict.

Will there come a day when I am no longer horribly fascinated by my mother's loathing of confrontation & utter willingness to endure, even perpetuate, conflict?  Oh, Lord, I hope so!!  

Guess it's sort of natural to be thinking about this on this day of all days.  Ian died at age 11, when I was only 7.  Would he have been like our older sibs, who took after Mom, or would he have been more like Dad, who tended to call 'em as he saw 'em?  I like to think that he would have been like Dad, in part because I know from family tales that Ian asked questions, looked for deeper meanings rather than just what appeared to be true, another trait of our father.

Near the end of her life, Mom did too - much to my amazement.  When she was 90, Mom went totally outside her once-rigid comfort zone to ask Peter why he (& Mim & Mike) seemed so riled up by her seeking help from a psychologist to get a better, healthier view of herself.  As Mom shared with me later, Peter leaned back a bit as he pulled himself up to full height, leveled her with a look, leaned back in, and replied, "You ask questions!"  

Now, there are a lot of things that Mom told me over the years that I have to wonder about, but the physical description & the comment are too spot-on PRL to be false.  And I could see that it had really set her back on her heels.  Never, not in a million years, was she expecting that as his answers.  What upset them (according to Peter) was that she asked questions???  

Mom at 88 years old would have totally understood his answer.  Mom at 90 - no.  Which makes me realize - yeah, I can totally let go of what once was, because by the time she died, Mom had so gotten over her fear of confrontation.  She could march into the scariest lion's den she could think of - and come out whole.  

There were a lot of issues still unresolved between the two of us when Mom died.  Identified, but still unresolved.  Turns out, in writing this posting, that the question of tolerating confrontation or conflict is NOT one of them.  Oh, the power of blogging!