Ian - territory covered

So, what did I learn as a result of my brother Ian's death?  Considering the reality that I was only just 7-years old at the time, quite a lot.

That death can come to anyone, at any moment.  

That our body is temporary, but our loves are forever.

That mourning parents could put aside their grief in order to comfort the family where the accidental shooting happened.

That my big strong Daddy could be totally broken. 

That you never know when someone might be taken from you, so be sure be aware of & grateful for them NOW, because there might not be a later.

and later...
That a tragedy can draw a family together or push them further apart.

That people can go through the exact same situation but perceive & experience it in vastly different ways.

That different people handle loss in different ways - my Mom  longed to go back to the lake, because it made her think of Ian;  Dad couldn't bear to go back to the lake, because it made him think of Ian.

That family members have different ways of communicating.  I was alone in our family in wanting to consider how Ian's death affected us as individuals & as a group.  The only time we discussed the impact of Ian's death was when we agreed,  a couple years before Mom died, at a family meeting with her psychologist, that we never discussed it.

in addition...
I learned from Mom that it was possible to recover from such a devastating loss,  that "one day, you'll notice again that the sky is blue - but it will never be the same shade."

I learned from Mom that when tragedy or loss hits friends, it's better to show up on their doorstep when they don't need you than to stay home.  She shared that with me when family friends lost a young son in an accidental drowning - their friends were gathered outside the house, not wanting to intrude on their sorrow, not knowing what to do.  Mom went up to the door & rang the bell - and the lad's mother practically fell into her arms for comfort.