Honoring Father & Mother

For the better part of the past year, I've pondered the question - what is meant by the commandment, "Honor thy father & thy mother."  

It seems to me that honoring is more than being respectful, has little to do with whether or not you are frequently present in your parents' lives or if your kids play an active part in yours.  Those things would be helpful & of great support, but is it all  or  any of what is meant by honoring?  

I don't know.

What does strike me is that the way we truly honor our parents is to live the best lessons they taught us, to see the brightest, most shining paths they did their best to guide us to, and to follow; to ask ourselves if what we are doing is our true life's work or if there is something that could more fully give expression to all we are & open the way for that work to be broader, deeper, more encompassing.  

A lot of people have parents who don't let them see their own stumbles, who don't live by simple positive core values, who don't understand that true achievement doesn't necessarily come with dollar signs, who view relationships as something to exploit & manage rather than celebrate & nurture.  What about them?  Can't help out - praise be, that's not my experience.  

I love the passage in Joshua that brings this question to mind.  Joshua, talking to the children of Israel, tells them - "If serving the LORD seem undesirable to you, them choose for yourself this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living.  But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

In my mind, that's the same set-up achieved by the best sort of parenting - you can choose to do this thing, or you can choose to do that thing, but here is what I am doing.  Can't speak for my Dad, because he died when I was just in my early 20s; we'd never gotten very close, probably because we were more alike while my sibs were more like Mom, but even as a very young adult, I could see that he worked hard, knew his purpose, set & achieved his goals, lived with honor.  

I do know that it is precisely how my Mom lived, because it drove me batty!!!  I wanted her to take positions & advocate doing THIS over doing THAT, to hold people accountable & protect herself from future hurts by learning from past lessons.  

She wouldn't.  

Instead, Mom embraced each of her very different children as we were.  She laid out before us all that she held dear in her heart, all that she wanted to achieve in our lives, like a glorious buffet of loves;  if we chose to make a few our own, she was happy;  if we chose to take more, she was happy;  if we chose to take none, she was happy - -  because those were OUR choices.  We could do this, or we could do that, or we could take a path similar to her own.  

Honor thy father & thy mother.  Live a life based on values, live it outright - BE.