From age four to fourteen, I lived in a house that was a converted chicken coop that shared a "top lawn" with the family next door & one on the other side of the fence. They were cousins - Aunt Tryn was Uncle Stanley's sister.
Although they were honorary aunt & uncle, they - and their other many sibs - were precious to me, someone who adored the idea of family & whose own relatives were in maryland, missouri & california. I felt every inch a Rose - except on Christmas Eve.
Every Christmas Eve was a stony-faced reminder of all that I wasn't. It was the night of the R.O.S.E holiday party. And Marcia & Artie & Tommy et al were invited. And Alice & Billy & Robert & Susie were invited. They were real & truly Roses. On Christmas Eve, being a fictitious Rose was a thorn through my heart.
Weddings are my modern-day equivalent of that long-ago Christmas Eve party.
When I grunt & grumble over my lack of connection to young folks, friends chirp up with assurances about how LOTS of young adults have a special place for me in their hearts. I know I am a nice memory of their BACS & ANC years, someone who made their lives a little bit nicer, maybe gave them needed encouragement at the right time, maybe just made a difference by unabashedly shouting from the rooftops that they rocked. An pleasant connection, but generally not a deep one. Not the type of connection that gets wedding invitations. Not that type of friendship, at all.
Does that cause the stab of grief, of NOTness that I felt on those long-ago Christmas Eves?Praise be - NO. Do I ever regret the light touch friendships I've formed - with the Roses, with my young friends?. No how, no way.
I have a LOT of friends who have the knack of crafting deep friendships or who have gobs of family connections. They are blessed. As am I.
The closet doors in the Front Room sport BIG cards sent to me by the Class of 2010 when they were in kindergarten & again when they were in 5th grade. I connected because it mattered to me that those particular classes, those particular kids, know I love them to pieces, not because they were related or I taught them or for any other reason than that they touched my heart. They can never be a thorn in my heart, only joy to my spirit!!
No comments:
Post a Comment